Remember, your spouse is a human being that deserves kindness, respect, compassion, and empathy. Attempting to change your spouse’s weight through emotional abuse, bullying, or manipulation, is unacceptable. Furthermore, such behaviors can cause lasting trauma.  

Is It Common to Gain Weight When You Get Married? 

Yes, weight gain is very common in a marriage. Current estimates say that women gain an average of 24 pounds in the first five years of marriage while men gain an average of 30 pounds in the first five years of marriage. While we can’t know for sure exactly why this is, we do have some theories. First, couples may begin eating when they’re not hungry, or eating at the same time their spouse is eating regardless of whether or not they’re hungry. Different bodies also have different metabolic needs, which can be complicated if two people are eating the same sized portions when the metabolic needs differ. Some people may become comfortable in the marriage and stop going to the gym or eating healthy. Other times, children come along and make it more difficult for couples to stay active and eat healthy. Stress can also play a part in weight gain, especially for those who tend to use food to cope with painful emotions such as sadness, loneliness, and anger. 

What to Do When Your Husband Won’t Lose Weight 

If your spouse doesn’t want to lose weight, there’s no way you can make them lose weight. Your spouse is a full-grown adult: if they don’t want to go to the gym or eat their vegetables, you can’t force them to.  It’s never acceptable to bully, manipulate, or emotionally abuse your spouse into losing weight. While you can offer to go on a fitness journey with them, you can’t make them go on a fitness journey—even if it’s something  you want to do together.  Remember, weight loss is hard when you’re surrounded by fast food restaurants and highly processed snacks. Furthermore, it can be difficult for people who have never learned how to eat healthy, or never had to watch their weight. Asking someone to lose weight is no small thing, and it can damage your relationship and your partner’s mental health if you repeatedly ask despite being told no. 

Does Gaining Weight Affect Your Relationship? 

In some ways, weight gain can affect a relationship. For example, if you and your spouse were a very active couple who frequently went on hikes, camping, and participated in sports, gaining weight can make those activities more difficult and/or less enjoyable. While weight fluctuation can influence physical attraction, most people aren’t ready to divorce their spouse just due to weight gain. This is because they love and appreciate their spouse regardless of what the scale says. A lot of these people feel like their spouse is the same person they married even if they look a little different. However, if your spouse’s personality or behavior has changed, it may cause you to fixate on their weight since their weight is a visible change—whereas personality changes can’t be seen with the naked eye. It may be worth it to reflect and determine if there are underlying issues that are causing you to feel dissatisfied in your relationship, and work on healing the rift with a licensed mental health professional instead of getting divorced over changes in physical appearance. 

Can a Marriage Survive without Physical Attraction? 

Absolutely! While physical attraction is nice, physical beauty does fade eventually. And a pretty face is no substitute for empathy, compassion, good communication skills, and emotional intelligence. Many people would say that their spouse is the most attractive person in the world due to their inner qualities. Even though their spouse may not look like they did on the wedding day, those who are in healthy and happy marriages are often just as attracted to their spouses—if not more so—as they were when they first got married. However, if your spouse has had changes with their personality or behavior, that could have a bigger impact on your attraction to them than their appearance would. Many people lose attraction to their spouses not because their spouse no longer looks like a super model, but because their spouse stopped putting effort into the marriage.  

How Can I Help My Husband Lose Weight Fast? 

As previously mentioned, you can’t force your spouse to lose weightand you shouldn’t try forcing them to lose weight either. However, if your spouse wants to lose weight, you can help them by being supportive. Making sure that your spouse has the time necessary to pursue a physically active hobby is a great way to be supportive of their fitness journey. This may mean that you make sure you’re available to watch the kids while they engage in their physical activity of choice, or that you budget for their gym membership. It can be difficult to lose weight if you’re always eating out or if you live in a house where there are a lot of highly processed food. Keeping a house full of healthy food and helping your spouse cook healthy meals can also help them along their fitness journey.